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12 Genius Movie Insults


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  • Chris Hughes

    Why have an article about the best 12 genius movie insults with a picture of an actor from the movie “Dr. Strangelove”, and not use a quote from “that” movie?

    • Vince Foster

      Mein fuhrer I can walk!

    • Zone11

      We can’t tolerate a mineshaft gap!

    • Bill Kleinsturn

      Gosh, I’m embarrassed to even mention this, it’s so famous:

      “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room!”

  • PinkTerror

    Calling R. Lee Ermey a ‘Drill Sergeant’ should be on this list now. In the Marine Corps they are ‘Drill Instructors’. The Army calls theirs Drill Sergeants. In the Air Force they’re called…something, I dunno.

    • IntelligenceisAVirtue

      Technical Instructors, or TI for short.

      • http://rkjbookworks.weebly.com/ Robert Keith Johnston

        You are correct.
        In the Navy and Coast Guard, they are known as Platoon Leaders.
        –RKJ

        • Charles d’Argy

          Don’t know about the Coasties, but the Navy is Company Commander

          • http://rkjbookworks.weebly.com/ Robert Keith Johnston

            Thanks for the update, Charles!
            –RKJ

        • Guest

          It’s Company Commander in the Navy as well.

  • longshotist

    Walter was talking to and about The Dude, not Donny. Sheesh.

    • Bruce Wick

      No. He was talking to The Dude, about The Big Lebowski & Brandt, who had given him a beeper & mobile phone. Dude & pals don’t take calls during league play.

      • longshotist

        Walter asked what if a call came during a game, to which The Dude replied that he would not take a call at that time. Walter’s response was that The Dude was a miserable piece of shit for whose convenience life did not start and stop.

        • Bruce Wick

          You are completely, completely wrong Andy Capp hat. Watch it again. I’ve got it on DVD. I’m watching it now. The comment is in reference to the callers, not the Dude. Walter would never call the Dude a piece of shit. They are friends. Is English your second language? If you can’t understand vernacular dialog you surely must struggle to understand every movie you watch.

          • Superlite27

            I thought Walter and The Dude were having a conversation about the beeper, and Donny (as usual) interrupts with “What’s during league play?”. As an answer to this question would require a rehash of the entire previous conversation in order to be understood, Walter’s insult to Donny is pretty clear when taken in context with the hundreds of other insults Walter has expressed towards Donny throughout the movie. After expressing displeasure numerous times at Donny injecting himself into conversations (An obvious, recurring theme), why is this time any different? Answer: It isn’t. One might wish to avoid hurling insults about understanding vernacular dialogue when one can’t even identify repetitive behavior.

  • Cthulhu

    #5 It seems that the writer didn’t watch Billy Madison. That line was said TO the lead character by some game show host.

    • Jim Nielsen

      And the follow up to those two lines only enhances them. “I award you no points. May God have mercy on your soul.”

      Brilliance.

      • Fred J

        Yes, gotta have those last lines with it!

        • SRM

          A simple “wrong” would suffice! Love it!

          What about Mr. Rose’s line to her lawyer AND Mrs. Rose on War of The Roses?

          Something to the effect of “infintecible prick” ? I was actually EXPECTINg to see that one on this list!

  • muammil

    cool

  • Travis Arens

    I would advise against calling former Marine drill instructor R. Lee Ermey, a “drill sergeant” to his face if you ever meet him.

    • J. C. Smith

      I’d recomment not calling him a “former Marine” either. He’s a retired Marine DI.

      • jimbob482

        Correctly stated. There is NO SUCH THING as a former Marine. Retired is good. As anyone in the Corps will advise you, with MUST GUSTO, “ONCE A MARINE, ALWAYS A MARINE.”

        • http://batman-news.com NotJimbob482

          WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. There is no such thing as an EX Marine. You do, in fact, refer to them as a FORMER MARINE.

          • Uncle Nutsy

            Or, simply, a Marine.

        • zak66

          Marines don’t die – they just muster in Hell.

        • Bill Kleinsturn

          Weird. SEALs prefer “former Navy SEAL.” Never “ex-SEAL.”

          To each his own.

  • Sam

    “Gunny” or “Guns” two rockers “Top” for 3 rockers or “3″ under the tree The “Tree” is 3 stripes up lower while lower ranks have a series of names many not printable

    • IntelligenceisAVirtue

      No one who doesn’t already know about chevrons knows what you’re talking about.

      • Molly Mackey

        But it doesn’t make the information less worthy of posting. For those who don’t know, it may spark an interest and they’ll look it up.

        Thank you Sam.

  • crismahn

    Only two of those were any good. Bogart’s from Casablanca. And Gunny’s from Full Metal Jacket. The rest were mostly just potty-mouth rants.

  • flyboy wilson

    Who’s the cast picture for #3 (Witches of Eastwick)? It’s certainly not Jack & Cher.

    • Bob Baker

      It’s apparently the idiot cast of the Lifetime TV series “Witches of East End”. Why get anything right in this slide show?

  • nigray

    it’s R. Lee Ermey not R. Lee Emery

  • http://rkjbookworks.weebly.com/ Robert Keith Johnston

    This is one of my favorites:
    “Where did they teach you to talk like that–at some Panamainian “sailor-wanna-hump-hump” bar?
    Sell crazy someplace else…we’re all stocked up here!”
    –Jack Nicholson, from As Good As It Gets

    And every time I catch Full Metal Jacket, I still bust a gut with laughter hearing R. Lee Ermey giving the new boots the business!
    –RKJ

  • mikey

    I guess my favorite didn’t make the list: “I fart in your general direction, your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries” from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

    • Stryder51

      Excellent quote. However, wasn’t it “your sister smelt of elderberries”? I don’t remember. Guess I need to watch it again. :)

      • Simon9

        No, I think Mikey has it right.

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    • JefeBear32

      LOL just heard my boss say this to someone today. LOL

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  • Pamela

    The I think the original version of The Woman was for “biting” than the bastardized version.

  • TheSplash

    I guess they couldn’t use it here since it’s so swear-worthy but “csck juggling thunder-csnt” is my favorite insult delivered by Ryan Reynolds in Blade 3.

  • http://www.stevethehun.com/ SteveTheHun

    I thought these would be intelligent, witty yet biting insults because of the “genius movie insults” lure.

    It’s just hateful and really moronic dialog. Should be titled ’12 mindless foul mouth hate filled insults.”

    I want my two minutes I spent looking at this back.

    • The Bastaard

      As I said above, when a moron declares something as genius, you can be sure that he has no clue what the word means.

    • Goaty McCheese

      The Casablanca insult was neither foul-mouthed nor hate-filled. Of course it is also so famous that we didn’t need to be told about it.

      • Bill Kleinsturn

        Arguably better (but I won’t argue) than the quote from Casablanca is this exchange from The Fountainhead (Gary Cooper playing Roark) in which Toohey, whose single-minded purpose is to destroy Roark, finds him alone and initially licks his lips in an attempt to emotionally bait him.

        Toohey: “Mr. Roark, we’re alone here. Why don’t you tell me what you think of me? In any words you wish. No one will hear us.”

        Roark: “But I don’t think of you.”

        I believe that’s true “genius” writing.

        Rick’s line was a great comeback, yet it was mostly snark, clever, amusing, entertaining. Roark’s embodied the principle of the individualist focused only his work versus the sneering pseudo-intellectual, non-productive Toohey who was, instead, only focused on destroying another man while he himself produced nothing of value.

    • Gregory

      I too thought this article would be really interesting, and I assumed that it would be insults directed at the audience. Wrong.

  • Tim

    John Candy, Uncle Buck. “Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face!”

    • DonDong

      I don’t remember that. Pretty funny! ;9)B

  • Rick

    There have to be at least a half-dozen insults in Full Metal Jacket much better than the one printed. But I guess most of them are too “racy” for this publication.
    The best thing about Gunnery Sergeant Hartman’s tirades is that they were all his own creations. He just got started and improvised. With his background I suspect he could have gone on for hours.

    • renynzea .

      And I would have paid to watch it.

  • DeTomasoMangusta

    Submitted for your approval.”Tombstone” had Doc Holiday riding gun slinger /black sheep sibling Johnny Ringo -”Are we cross?For if we are, I just don’t know how I will bear it “.

    • The Stranger

      One of my favorites as well -a great western ,but it was Ed Bailey ,not Ringo ….this time anyway.You were probably thinking of a scene where Ringo is taken aback by the sight of Doc (taking the place of his pal Wyatt whose gun skills are no match for JR’s ) “I’ll be your huckleberry “.Wouldn’t that make a hell of a headstone inscription ?

    • penciltrick

      Wyatt Earp: I just want you to know it’s over between us.
      Curly Bill: Well… bye.
      Johnny Ringo: Smell that, Bill? Smells like someone died.

      Ike Clanton: What is that now? Twelve hands in a row? Holliday, son of a bitch, nobody’s that lucky.
      Doc Holliday: Why Ike, whatever do you mean? Maybe poker’s just not your game Ike. I know! Let’s have a spelling contest!

    • foulplaymead@yahoo.com

      I think as far as insults Doc holiday to Johnny Tyler “Oh. Johnny, I apologize. I forgot you were there. You may go now.”
      Or even Wyatt to Johnny Tyler “You going to do something or just stand there and bleed.”

  • David

    Screw this, can’t deal with the lame javaScript-put it all on a single page!

  • Angie D

    The Casablanca one was the best.

  • Sonny Chiba

    There was a certain “colorful” put-down from the film “In Bruges” that merits looking up.

    The characters are Ken and Harry, and the language….well. You want to talk about “insulting”. There were several in the film “Snatch” that also come to mind – Though, none are what one might deem suitable for family consumption.

  • Breaker Cassidy

    The full Billy Madison quote: “What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.” – Do your f*ckin’ job moviesum

    • Uncle Monkey

      Bravo. Plus, it was delivered by the High School Principal, not “the lead character” Billy.

      • AJ Jordan

        Thank you! As a non-Sandler fan, I have never seen that movie but I have seen that clip and I can picture the guy who said it and hear his voice in my head. It was definitely NOT Sandler!

    • Goaty McCheese

      The “may God have mercy on your soul” is crucial.

      • Uncle Nutsy

        Yeah, that’s great.

  • Guest

    Whoever came up with this list must have had a seizure during it compilation.

  • jec84

    David Spade to Chris Farley in Tommy Boy- “I can actually hear you getting fatter.”
    John Bender to Mr. Vernon in the Breakfast Club- “Yeah, I have a question. Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?”
    And everything the black Drill Sergeant screams at Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump

  • NakedJusticeLeague

    One of the best ones I heard was from Shakes the Clown. When Shakes and his pals go to beat up a bunch of mimes, you hear Adam Sandler yell, “You silent mother f&cker!”

  • J. C. Smith

    “I am not your pappy, you redneck peckerwood” — Major Dundee
    Beats all of the ones on this list, IMHO.

  • Tom Sherman

    These aren’t “genius”; they’re just stupid and meanspirited. Try this Doc Holliday quote: “Oh. Johnny, I apologize; I forgot you were there. You may go now.” Subtle. Devastating. Genius.

  • Rob B.

    The Witches of Eastwick one is great, but it isn’t a brush-off; Satan scores with Cher not two minutes later…

  • evian257

    The only two decent insults in this list were from the old classics – Casablanca and The Women.
    The rest? Not even worth the energy it would take to use one on somebody.

  • Jon Weiss

    Makes me glad I skipped all but two of these movies.

  • Gregory Brown

    The writer is too stupid to spell R. Lee Ermey’s name correctly

  • WondrousMoose

    “You dirt-eating piece of slime! You scum-sucking pig! You son of a motherless goat!”

  • rlkidd

    You play ball like a girl “The sandlot”

  • Brad Hoehne

    I love the line from Arthur: “Generally one would have to go to a bowling alley to meet a woman of your stature.” and “Have fun in prison!”

  • Eric

    Let me help. You overlooked the best insult and the best final line
    of dialogue in film, ever. Lee Marvin in The Professionals, 1966:
    J.W. Grant (Ralph Bellamy): You bastard.
    Rico (Lee Marvin): Yes Sir. In my case an accident of birth. But you, Sir, you’re a self-made man.

    • Barrack Hussein Carter

      Awesome.

  • lib19

    Otto West: Donn’t call me stupid. Wanda Gerschwitz: Right because calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

  • AJ Jordan

    If you are praising Joan Crawford’s line in The Women why use a picture from the weak remake?

  • The Bastaard

    Calling something “genius”, when it’s clear you’re a bloody moron, is rich.

    • Bill Kleinsturn

      Maybe. Perhaps it’s because the author is a moron that he thought the ones he picked are “genius.” Remember now, on the bell curve of IQ’s where the median is 100, half the population has an IQ below 100.

      Scary, huh?

      And yet, it is significant evidence of why all the Dims voted for Obamacare (and no Republicans did), at least to the honest Dr. Gruber of MIT.

      But yes, I agree. It is rich.

  • Terri Samuels

    Man there’s about a million in AS GOOD AS IT GETS. Not 1 here. I’ll list some but I’m probably forgetting the best ones. Classic movie. Jack Nicholson (as a misanthropic, Homophobic, racist, obsessive-compulsive novelist – says it all right there) and Helen Hunt both won Oscars. The only reason it didn’t get best picture because it was up against Titanic.

    Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
    Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

    [gestures to bartender]
    Melvin Udall: . No offense, but a moron pushing the last legal drug.

    • Barrack Hussein Carter

      To gay, under-the-weather character played by Craig Kinnear: “Don’t worry. You’ll be up and on your knees in no time’.

  • Major Smackdown

    “Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of SHIT!” That was directed toward the dude for possibly interrupting league play.

  • Dj

    I rarely ‘heart an insult’

  • Jeremy Morningwood

    what happened to Gone With The WInd, when Rhett Butler asked Scarlett O’Hara, ‘you’re not going to leave Tara to those simple-minded Darkies, are you?”

  • King A

    “Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?”

    – Clark Grizwald, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation

    • Nicole Stanley

      That rant was EPIC! I remember literally laughing until I peed (I was very sick with the flu at the time–don’t judge me) when he finished!

  • Original-Juice

    man I can’t wait to see another Evil Dead with Bruce Campbell!! Yo she-Bitch..come get some

  • John Rooney

    I loved them all, just one thing, R. Lee Emery is a former Drill instructor.

  • Al Dante

    A Few Easy Pieces Jack Nickolson to the waitress in diner. ” I want a chicken sandwich and hold the bread”. ‘Hold the bread”? “Ya hold the bread between your legs as in I don’t want any fuckin bread get it”.

  • skeptik

    What about “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life…?”

  • MyButThairsTinks

    The lead character, Billy did not say those lines.

  • thestocks

    Fail. #5 was NOT delivered by the lead character, who was Adam Sandler. The insult was delivered by Mr. Oblaski, played by Robert Smigel.

    This list is pretty mediocre, IMHO. Relies too much on vulgarity.

  • Tony

    They forgot one of the best. From Bad Santa: “You’re an emotional f@#$ing cripple. Your soul is dog sh!t. Every single f@#$ing thing about you is ugly.

  • Borrowed Time

    “But you’re going to go through life thinking that girls don’t like you because you’re a nerd. And I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that, that wont be true. It’ll be because you’re an asshole” – SOCIAL NETWORK

  • Bud Fox

    Best movie insult ever – hands down – Paul Newman as Reg Dunlop in Slapshot – to the Chiefs woman owner – “your son looks like a f@g to me, you better remarry soon or he is going to end up with a c@^K in his mouth faster than you can say Jackie Robinson”

  • DonDong

    Most of these were mild & not very clever. One “genius” line I can remember:
    “Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!” I use that on my dog when he pizzez me off. Here’s another I can remember. It’s dated, but WC Fields wrote it, so genius is involved. It was directed at his character:
    BOY: Mommy, look at the man’s nose!
    MOTHER: Now, now. Wouldn’t you like a nose like that full of nickels?

  • octogator

    Who’s in the photo for witches of eastwick? Is that the tv show? The quote is from the movie though.

  • Scott Woelfel

    The Black Adder to Percy in “Black Adder”: “You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would.”

  • POV4

    Either the author is lazy or easily impressed.

  • Zachary Wheeler

    The only really good one was from Full Metal Jacket. The rest of them sucked.

  • Nicole Stanley

    No quotes from the masterpiece epic The Lion in Winter? Hepburn and O’Toole were devastating with their subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle insults and even a young Anthony Hopkins and Timothy Dalton were gold.

  • Billie Mudry Spaight

    How about this?: “I have come to kick ass and chew bubble gum. And I’m all out of bubble gum.”

    Or this: “O my G-d, I’m surrounded by Assholes.” Or: “I hate Yoghurt. Even with Strawberries.”

  • Billie Mudry Spaight

    “The Inquisition is here to staaaay.”

    “And now all the toilets in the kingdom will be called JOHNS.”

  • Bradley Young

    well….. you play ball like a girl!

  • Steve_in_MA

    “I do look like the piss boy”! – Mel Brooks

  • John doe

    “I could peel you like a pear and God himself would call it justice.”

    “I marvel at you after all these years. Still like a democratic drawbridge: going down for everybody.”

    What would you have me do? Give out? Give up? Give in?
    -Give me a little peace.
    A little? Why so modest? How about eternal peace? Now there’s a thought.

    I love you.
    - You love nothing. You’re incomplete. The human parts of you are missing. You’re as dead as you are deadly.

    Henry II: [to his sons] You’re not mine! We’re not connected! I deny you! None of you will get my crown, I leave you nothing and I wish you plague! May all your children breach and die!

    all from the same film

  • Bo Kinney

    smokey and the bandit (the great Jackie Gleason) There’s no way, *no* way that you came from *my* loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I’m gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!

  • Lucian

    GAWD, why do I click on this crap?

  • rangernva

    “You son of a motherless goat!”
    “You wart-hog faced buffoon!”
    “You play ball like a girl!”
    Any one of the three and I would have been happy, but sadly, nothing.

  • Barrack Hussein Carter

    Full Metal Jacket was awash in Gunnery Sgt’s Hartman’s insults of Pvt Pyle in boot camp:

    * “I’m going to rip your balls off so you cannot pollute the human race’.

    * ‘Your ass looks like 50 pounds of chewed bubblegum’.

    * ‘You climb obstacles like old people fuck’.

    * ‘I will motivate you private Pyle if is short dicks every cannibal on the Congo !’

    * “the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama’s ass and ended up as a dark stain on the mattress’

  • UnclePete1946

    “Benson! Benson…you are mercifully free of the ravages of Intelligence”

  • Park Lovel

    Billy didn’t deliver that insult, the headmaster of the school said it to Billy. This author is a moron

  • LastManOutTheDoor

    Aliens – “Have you ever been mistaken for a man? No, have you?” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYkxCzBszOQ

    • Bill Kleinsturn

      “Game over, man! Game over!”

      Sorry, not an insult. But I felt compelled because I always laugh so hard.

  • Mike Boatman

    2. Sexy Beast, no no no no, the hardest hitting insults are not that long and do not use f*ck or any vulgarities for that matter. A good insult will cut you off at the knees before you know you’ve been insulted.

  • G Oogle

    This thread smelt of elderberries (but it was Dad who smelt it)

  • Giz

    It would be nice if your pictures actually matched the quotes! Witches of Eastwick has a picture of Witches of East END – Not REALLY the same thing. Jack Nicholson, Cher, Michelle Pfeiffer and Susan Sarandon deserve better than that! And while the picture for “The Women” is technically correct, it is not the version you’re talking about – of course not many these days know that there were movies prior to 1995!

  • rogiedodgie

    fragly scarlid, I dobe gib a dab.

  • cmel

    they f*cked it up by not having the whole billy Madison quote, nowhere in your incessant rambling did you say anything close to relating to the industrial revolution and then at the end! may god have mercy on your soul, those two pieces just make the quote cringworthy (apologies for mistakes, going off the top of my head)

  • Uncle Nutsy

    “You know what? You are truly an idiot. You could have said that in the dark, and I would’ve known it was you, because only you could make so stupid a statement. Steven Seagal has got to be the dumbest jagoff I can remember.” –JJ Johnston, from “Lakeboat” by David Mamet

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kF86FupFuO0

  • Chris

    It was R. Lee Ermey not Emory and that was not even the best insult in that movie. My personal favorite was, “It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama’s ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress.”

  • tom oatway

    Better one from Army of Darkness….”Baby, you sure got ugly”

  • Halb Halbhalb

    pic for #3 is the cast of ” Gossip Girl”, not “Witches of Eastwick”

  • Thisisnot News

    perhaps the most useless list ever..

  • Llew Keller

    The best moment in Planes, Trains & Automobiles, while not an insult per se, is the profane soliloquoy the unhinged Neal (Steve Martin) unleashes on the officious rental car agent, played by the always brilliant Edie McClurg. Her comeback is priceless.

  • Morgan

    “The best part of you trickled down the crack of your momma’s a$$ and stained the sheets.” 5 e-cookies guessing that one.

  • Kenneth Edward Polley

    The Marine Corps has Drill iNSTRUCTORS NOT DRILL sARGEANTS, THAT IS THE aRMY!

  • OG Mally Bieber

    Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son.

  • Ppyllsuck

    Great list, but who picked out the pictures? The one for The Women is the execrable remake and what’s with the Witches of Eastwick photo? It’s certainly not the cast of the movie with Jack Nicholson and Cher (whose character, Alex delivers that sassy memorable line to Jack’s Darryl van Horn. It looks like something from a reality show.

  • EllenRipley112

    Did you not actually watch “Billy Madison”? Assuming he IS the lead character, he did NOT say that quote. That quote was said TO him, and it wasn’t in response to a “dumb phrase”, it was a whole, inane story that had nothing to do with the question he was asked. The full quote is an exquisite burn, to be sure, but it was NOT said by Madison.

  • Bill Kleinsturn

    The author either doesn’t see a lot of movies or doesn’t know what the word “genius” means.

  • Bill Kleinsturn

    From G.I. Jane, not because it was a good movie; it wasn’t. But I loved this:

    Master Chief Urgayle (to Demi Moore): “When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.”

  • Jason Kauffman

    About number 5…Billy Madison DIDN’T provide that insult. That was the Principal speaking TO Billy Madison. It was in response to Billy’s truly idiotic answer to one of the contest questions.

    So no, it wasn’t from the lead in the film….gods,who edits these articles anyway?

  • Jason Kauffman

    And what’s this?!? They speak of the original production of “The Women” but use the promotional from the remake? *sigh*

  • lgw

    I honestly could not get past the first paragraph. What has happened to editing your material before publishing. Really!?! Misspellings, bad punctuation, no punctuation, and run on sentences. This was written by a middle school drop out I think.

  • elliefrost

    Did someone actually get paid to write this?

  • Bob Amsel

    Aside from the Casablanca and The Women lines, the insults are incredibly witless, and, as the Brits would say, “naff.”

  • SmotheredHope

    That was actually Joe Pesci not Frank Vincent that said the line from “Goodfellas”. Also, “Army of Darkness” is hilarious, has lines like that throughout the movie

    • http://sn.im/ksjdlfk marks123

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